Have you ever had something happen to you that made you feel like you have been crushed internally? That you can hardly breathe because on the depth of pain that is inside? All you can think of doing is crumbling to the floor and sobbing! You don’t want to be with anyone, see anyone, or even hear any words of encouragement from anyone. The hurt is so bad, that you literally feel heavy, despondent, despised, unworthy, useless and no good to anyone. You don’t feel suicidal, but you just know that nothing you can do will make you feel better (well not immediately anyway), you just are too emotionally hurt and sad!
(Proverbs 17:22 NIV) A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
(Proverbs 15:13 NIV) A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.
Prov 18:14 The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness, But who can bear a broken spirit?
I have had several experiences of brokenness in my life. Each time the crush of the hurt is so overwhelming, I want to run! I want to get as far away from the person/people that have hurt me, and never have anything to do with them again….EVER!!! Just the thought of the experience brings all the pain and emotion of the moment straight back to the present. And, I feel that deep sorrow all over again. It is just awful! Tears well up and I feel so sad inside.
My immediate response is that I want to be alone. I don’t want to ever let myself be in a position where I can be vulnerable and open to being hurt again. I don’t want to be in any environment that I don’t feel safe, by just being me! So out come the walls of protection. I gain the ability to be around people but never let them get close enough to cause pain. Now remember, this isn’t physical pain, like a broken bone, or a bump that causes a bruise. This is an emotional pain that is so deep, that you feel the only one you can trust with your heart is yourself.
The last time I felt such deep hurt like this was about 5 years ago, that was until yesterday! And I am sad to say that the damage of the moment, is still just as real and raw as the first time I experienced that deep wounding in my spirit, in the part of me that makes me, me!
And here I am just 24 hours later and I have survived, once again. I’m not totally over the incident. When I think about what happened, I can easily feel that hurt coming back, but it is losing it’s power over my well being! How, you ask? Because if you are human and living around other humans, you are bound to get hurt, just like I did yesterday. So you too may have experienced the wounding deep in your spirit as well.
(Psalm 34:18 NIV) The LORD is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit
Have a read of the link below, and then come back to me :
Does God care about my (or your) brokenness? You bet! He is close to us and he saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18). Ultimately though we have the choice. (1) We can wallow in our hurt and self pity, or (2) we can choose to invite God into our pain, and bring healing. Sounds easy but believe me it’s not.
(1) We can let the painful circumstances of life embitter us, and in a way that is the easy path, because somehow re-living the moment helps to remind us that our feelings are justified. We can blame the other person for making us feel that way! In an unhealthy way, by withdrawing from people, because people hurt, you are heaping more suffering upon yourself. The other people involved are continuing to walk the walk of life, without giving you a second thought, while you suffer, and continue to suffer!
(2) Or you can address the problem full on. Ask yourself why the event happened, what led up to it, and were you yourself responsible in any way. Could you have done things differently? Then decide that whether you are an innocent victim or not, you have the ability to forgive those involved and move on in your own life. If you can’t forgive because the pain is so real and raw, then pray. Invite God into the pain! He gives us the grace to forgive others even when you feel they don’t deserve the forgiveness, or when you can’t forgive them in your own strength.
A quote from that link says… God can take what has been broken and remake it into something better, something that He can use for His glory.
Another quote… The solution can never come from our own efforts or striving, but comes only from Him. Only when we recognize our need for God are we able to take our eyes off ourselves and focus them on God and Jesus Christ. Only when we stop thinking about ourselves and start thinking about what Jesus did for us can we begin to heal. Only when we admit our need and ask God into our life, can God begin to make us whole. Only when we confess that we are broken can God make us into what He wants us to be. Once we let go of self and place God at the center of our lives, everything else falls into place (Matthew 6:33)
Knowing the character of God and His desire to reconcile all man to Himself, helps to understand that reconciliation, where possible, is the best answer. In the past, I have withdrawn from people that I saw as hurtful and unsafe to be with, for long periods of time. I just couldn’t trust them again with my heart. But as I’ve got older and wiser (am I kidding myself?), I’ve realized that it is not God’s way. He desires reconciliation.
My first choice of action, once I have had time to recover from the shock of the ordeal, is to talk to God, and pour out my pain to Him. I pray/cry/shout out the injustice, and tell Him all about my pain. The next thing I do (maybe not immediately) is apologise to the person/people that have hurt me. Whether I am the guilty party or not is irrelevant, taking ownership of the event that took place is a key. Because actually, it wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t there! So in a way you are also responsible. Also, the act of apologizing opens up the communication again. I didn’t want to even be in the same room as the person who hurt me two days ago (it has taken me a couple of days to write this), but yesterday, we sat together and talked about the differences in our personalities, how we react to situations differently, and that we still love each other in spite of our differences. And there was healing! We both admitted that we had a really bad sleep the night of the event! So we were both affected by it! Thank God it is now sorted and finished with.
Sadly, other times you make offer of an apology, and try to reconcile and open up the lines of communication again, but the other party isn’t interested. Five years ago that happened to me. Instead of seeking reconciliation, they justified their actions, got defensive, and made little acknowledgement of the pain involved in the whole process. Well certainly not mine. I felt of no value to them and that I wasn’t worth the effort of being loved and understood through the pain. They were prepared to lose my friendship and move on in life without me. And that hurt! But knowing that I was prepared to have a relationship with them again, brought me freedom to move on with my life. I now see them regularly and it doesn’t hurt. I want them to have a great life, but I am aware that we will possibly never be as close as we once were. Maybe our friendship was just for a season and it came to a natural end. Living through the painful events that caused the breakdown was horrendous, and I can still remember the grief it all caused. But by chosing to forgive, and then to continue living, and loving others, has brought healing.
Some relationships that end rather painfully, and forgiveness has been sought, and reconciliation has been made, may still never continue as they did in the past. But that is okay if reconciliation has happened. Neither has been left with the wounds of the past unhealed. Sometimes, the unhealthy thing to do, is to actually to try to continue with the relationship. As long as there are no bad feelings or wrong attitudes held against the other person/people. You can just continue to pray for them and ask God to bless their lives.
Today I feel great, and although sad the event happened two days ago, I am at peace with the outcome. We will continue our friendship and value each other whole heartedly. And love each other.
For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16)
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. (1 John 4:7-8)
A new commandment I give to you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. (John 13:34 & 35)
And…. thank you Instagram, p31obs
Praising God always helps with healing for me. And the words in the song are very important. My latest listen is this song. I hope it can help you too x