A Wounded Spirit

Have you ever had something happen to you that made you feel like you have been crushed internally? That you can hardly breathe because on the depth of pain that is inside? All you can think of doing is crumbling to the floor and sobbing! You don’t want to be with anyone, see anyone, or even hear any words of encouragement from anyone. The hurt is so bad, that you literally feel heavy, despondent, despised, unworthy, useless and no good to anyone. You don’t feel suicidal, but you just know that nothing you can do will make you feel better (well not immediately anyway), you just are too emotionally hurt and sad!

(Proverbs 17:22 NIV) A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
(Proverbs 15:13 NIV) A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.
Prov 18:14 The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness, But who can bear a broken spirit?

I have had several experiences of brokenness in my life. Each time the crush of the hurt is so overwhelming,  I want to run! I want to get as far away from the person/people that have hurt me, and never have anything to do with them again….EVER!!! Just the thought of the experience brings all the pain and emotion of the moment straight back to the present. And, I feel that deep sorrow all over again. It is just awful! Tears well up and I feel so sad inside.

My immediate response is that I want to be alone. I don’t want to ever let myself be in a position where I can be vulnerable and open to being hurt again. I don’t want to be in any environment that I don’t feel safe, by just being me! So out come the walls of protection. I gain the ability to be around people but never let them get close enough to cause pain. Now remember, this isn’t physical pain, like a broken bone, or a bump that causes a bruise. This is an emotional pain that is so deep, that you feel the only one you can trust with your heart is yourself.

The last time I felt such deep hurt like this was about 5 years ago, that was until yesterday! And I am sad to say that the damage of the moment, is still just as real and raw as the first time I experienced that deep wounding in my spirit, in the part of me that makes me, me!

And here I am just 24 hours later and I have survived, once again. I’m not totally over the incident. When I think about what happened, I can easily feel that hurt coming back, but it is losing it’s power over my well being! How, you ask? Because if you are human and living around other humans, you are bound to get hurt, just like I did yesterday. So you too may have experienced the wounding deep in your spirit as well.

(Psalm 34:18 NIV) The LORD is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit

Have a read of the link below, and then come back to me :

https://www.gotquestions.org/Bible-brokenness.html

Does God care about my (or your) brokenness? You bet! He is close to us and he saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18). Ultimately though we have the choice. (1) We can wallow in our hurt and self pity, or (2) we can choose to invite God into our pain, and bring healing. Sounds easy but believe me it’s not.

(1) We can let the painful circumstances of life embitter us, and in a way that is the easy path, because somehow re-living the moment helps to remind us that our feelings are justified. We can blame the other person for making us feel that way! In an unhealthy way, by withdrawing from people, because people hurt, you are heaping more suffering upon yourself. The other people involved are continuing to walk the walk of life, without giving you a second thought, while you suffer, and continue to suffer!

(2) Or you can address the problem full on. Ask yourself why the event happened, what led up to it, and were you yourself responsible in any way. Could you have done things differently? Then decide that whether you are an innocent victim or not, you have the ability to forgive those involved and move on in your own life. If you can’t forgive because the pain is so real and raw, then pray. Invite God into the pain! He gives us the grace to forgive others even when you feel they don’t deserve the forgiveness, or when you can’t forgive them in your own strength.

A quote from that link says…  God can take what has been broken and remake it into something better, something that He can use for His glory.

Another quote… The solution can never come from our own efforts or striving, but comes only from Him. Only when we recognize our need for God are we able to take our eyes off ourselves and focus them on God and Jesus Christ. Only when we stop thinking about ourselves and start thinking about what Jesus did for us can we begin to heal. Only when we admit our need and ask God into our life, can God begin to make us whole. Only when we confess that we are broken can God make us into what He wants us to be. Once we let go of self and place God at the center of our lives, everything else falls into place (Matthew 6:33)

Knowing the character of God and His desire to reconcile all man to Himself, helps to understand that reconciliation, where possible, is the best answer. In the past, I have withdrawn from people that I saw as hurtful and unsafe to be with, for long periods of time. I just couldn’t trust them again with my heart. But as I’ve got older and wiser (am I kidding myself?), I’ve realized that it is not God’s way. He desires reconciliation.

My first choice of action, once I have had time to recover from the shock of the ordeal, is to talk to God, and pour out my pain to Him. I pray/cry/shout out the injustice, and tell Him all about my pain. The next thing I do (maybe not immediately) is apologise to the person/people that have hurt me. Whether I am the guilty party or not is irrelevant, taking ownership of the event that took place is a key. Because actually, it wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t there! So in a way you are also responsible. Also, the act of apologizing opens up the communication again. I didn’t want to even be in the same room as the person who hurt me two days ago (it has taken me a couple of days to write this), but yesterday, we sat together and talked about the differences in our personalities, how we react to situations differently, and that we still love each other in spite of our differences. And there was healing! We both admitted that we had a really bad sleep the night of the event! So we were both affected by it! Thank God it is now sorted and finished with.

Sadly, other times you make offer of an apology, and try to reconcile and open up the lines of communication again, but the other party isn’t interested. Five years ago that happened to me. Instead of seeking reconciliation, they justified their actions, got defensive, and made little acknowledgement of the pain involved in the whole process. Well certainly not mine. I felt of no value to them and that I wasn’t worth the effort of being loved and understood through the pain. They were prepared to lose my friendship and move on in life without me. And that hurt! But knowing that I was prepared to have a relationship with them again, brought me freedom to move on with my life. I now see them regularly and it doesn’t hurt. I want them to have a great life, but I am aware that we will possibly never be as close as we once were. Maybe our friendship was just for a season and it came to a natural end. Living through the painful events that caused the breakdown was horrendous, and I can still remember the grief it all caused. But by chosing to forgive, and then to continue living, and loving others, has brought healing.

Some relationships that end rather painfully, and forgiveness has been sought, and reconciliation has been made, may still never continue as they did in the past. But that is okay if reconciliation has happened. Neither has been left with the wounds of the past unhealed. Sometimes, the unhealthy thing to do, is to actually to try to continue with the relationship. As long as there are no bad feelings or wrong attitudes held against the other person/people. You can just continue to pray for them and ask God to bless their lives.

Today I feel great, and although sad the event happened two days ago, I am at peace with the outcome. We will continue our friendship and value each other whole heartedly. And love each other.

For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16)

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. (1 John 4:7-8)

A new commandment I give to you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. (John 13:34 & 35)

And…. thank you Instagram, p31obs

Praising God always helps with healing for me. And the words in the song are very important. My latest listen is this song. I hope it can help you too x

https://youtu.be/YNqo4Un2uZI

Taylor Swift in Melbourne 2015

This was one of the best impulsive decisions I have ever made.

Years earlier, when my two youngest were teenagers, they used to sing Taylor Swift songs all day long! I got to know the songs pretty well, and I really liked them. I appreciate that Taylor is a very gifted musician and singer, and always thought it would be great to see her on stage one day.

So in August of 2015, I’m sitting at home, with my iPhone beside me, when an alert arrived. It was Air New Zealand advising that Taylor Swift has added another concert to her Melbourne tour. The tickets could be purchased immediately and only a limited number available! Her two already planned concerts were sold out! That was enough for me! I purchased 4 tickets! This was a travel, airport transfers, accommodation, CD, T-shirt and show pass deal. The show wasn’t until December, but that gave us enough time to organize life to fit in with this impulse buy… I hoped!

It all worked out nicely, and in December us girls took off for Melbourne to see Taylor perform. I think I was actually the most excited!

Us four at the Airport!

Two sisters, and two daughters 🙂

Us four very excited ladies on the transfer from the Melbourne airport to our Hotel.

The bonus was we had all afternoon free for shopping and then again the following morning. Melbourne is a great city for shopping!

Looks delicious huh!
and a bit of sight seeing

As it happened, my eldest son was also in Melbourne for work! How great was that! We all met together and had a very nice lunch and catch up 🙂

At the show and waiting for it to start
And there she is!

This girl can entertain! And her talent is amazing. The whole show was just wonderful, and I was just stunned at how many songs I knew, and could sing along to. The show was well worth going to.

We weren’t too far from the stage, but every now and then Taylor would be standing on a platform which moved out and across the crowd. She ended up singing almost right in front of us! And what a voice! Who said that Nanas can’t enjoy a good rock star hey!

This November, Taylor has another show. This time it’s in Sydney, and my eldest grand daughter is taking my 12 year old grand daughter, her sister. Do you think Nana Pam should buy tickets and go join them?

Jablanica – Bosnia and Herzegovina

Well Jablanica wasn’t our final destination for the day but was a great place to stop for a walk and visit through the museum.

From Wikipedia…

During the Battle of the Neretva in 1943, Jablanica was the site of a successful raid by a group of Partisans led by Josip Broz Tito. A rail bridge over the river was blown up while a train was in the middle of crossing. There is a park and monument commemorating this action at the site. The bridge section and the locomotive which can still be seen in the river gorge are the remains of a film set depicting the battle, from the 1960s.

We are standing outside the museum
We are standing outside the museum
Downstream from the bridge
Downstream from the bridge
Upstream :-)
Upstream 🙂
Robin at the train
Robin at the train
Old war gun!
Old war gun!

As soon as we got off the bus we were met by Gypsy beggars. It’s very sad to see so many people that are really struggling to survive. Rubbish was never a problem in the past for this area but with society changing to using more plastic containers and bags, the gypsys have begun a trade as rubbish collectors. We didn’t see them doing this so much at Jablanica, but we did see horse drawn carts in other towns and being filled with rubbish.

Horse drawn rubbish collection carts
Horse drawn rubbish collection carts

Before we got back on the bus we all wandered through the local market. Fresh fruit and veges, cheeses and believe it not stalls like a families garage sale… used clothing and furniture etc., were all being sold.

Beautiful home grown fresh vegetables
Beautiful home grown fresh vegetables
Judy and Len wandering through the market
Judy and Len wandering through the markey

All too soon it was back on the bus and on the road to the next city. For those of us who had never been to Mostar before, we were in for a real treat. One amazing place I tell you!

Wait until you see the photos 🙂

Wroclaw, Poland

We have just spent two days in Wroclaw. Now if you want to say wro – claw like it is written, like I did for a few months in the holiday planning, you would be very wrong 🙂 in Poland w is pronounced like a v, l is like a w, and c is like a ts, z is like a sh, and other letters are pronounced differently as well. So if you say Votswav it would be more accurate, although still not correct! Here’s just a few photos of this very picturesque city…

Amazing architecture!
Amazing architecture!
Another view inside the cathedral
Another view inside the cathedral
The roof of the cathedral
The roof of the cathedral
Inside a cathedral in Wroclaw
Inside a cathedral in Wroclaw
Casey sitting on street art at the old meat works
G3 sitting on street art at the old meat works
One of the many bridges in Europe with padlocks on it
One of the many bridges in Europe with padlocks on it
The clock tower
The clock tower
The amazing buildings!
The amazing buildings!
Another view of the square
Another view of the square
The town square
The town square
The amazing town clock in Wroclaw square
The amazing town clock in Wroclaw square
Wroclaw old town square
Wroclaw old town square
A very beautiful door
A very beautiful door
Inside the museum at the University
Inside the museum at the University
The fabulous walls
The fabulous walls
The amazing ceiling
The amazing ceiling
One of the rooms we saw in the University
One of the rooms we saw in the University
The University of Wroclaw and viewing platform we climbed up to
The University of Wroclaw and viewing platform we climbed up to
View from the lookout at the university
View from the lookout at the university
A Typical street view in Wroclaw
A Typical street view in Wroclaw
A Cathedral in Wroclaw
A Cathedral in Wroclaw
Street art depicting people of the communist era and their jobs and feelings about life
Street art depicting people of the communist era and their jobs and feelings about life
These were on one side of the street and continued on the other side
These were on one side of the street and continued on the other side